Split: The Makings of Me
Split: The Makings of Me
*You can find blog cover art and more from Artist Stacie Monday here.
We are only as broken as we think & see ourselves to be.
How many of us choose not to be ourselves, and hide behind masks?
I mean if we’re completely honest, none of us are the same person we are with our family, that we are with the rest of the world. We may let the world in these days with social media, yet we still reserve something for ourselves.
Society teaches us to operate out of silos, we find ourselves struggling with the internal conflict of to be or not to be.
Have you ever wondered What happens when we choose to embrace our fragments?
I have. What happens if we name the parts of ourselves that define our person? You may have heard this described as an alter ego or role playing , others call it multiple personalities…possession even. And yet some say these are mere character traits.
No matter what we decide to label it, it’s clear that more than a few of us identify with feeling split at some point. We take on roles (daughter, son, sibling, etc.) before we even develop an idea of what “being here” means, let alone being us. Life comes with a lot of uncertainty and chaos, and it gets hard to navigate through what’s ours to carry and what’s not. Our beliefs and desires are told to us through the voices of those responsible for our upbringing. Some of us defied this and chose the rugged path of defining self early, while some conformed on the path of least resistance. No matter the path we chose or choose, we are guided along by the voice(s) in our head that tell us: “I can or I cannot, I am or I am not, etc.” Throughout our lives, those voices are shaped by our parents, caretakers, family, friends, teachers, and the list goes on…
Yet it took me up until today years old to fully wrap my head around the fact that regardless of who originally said it all of the voices in my head are my own.
Meet The Fragments
I’ve been living to introduce my whole self, yet for the longest I didn’t know how. I was constantly trying to present myself as strictly one piece instead of embracing and presenting all parts of myself. As I began to work through my trauma and drama, I began to pinpoint exact moments in time where my perspective changed and that subsequently shaped how I thought and coped moving forward. These fragments have always existed. I have always been me. I have always been whole. Yet, it wasn’t until now that I’ve been able to make sense of it all.
These are the makings of me:
Lil Bit, Age 5-6
The first split.
The first time I ever knew what rejection felt like.
The first time I knew adults aint shit and are mad petty.
My inner child. My happiest place. Grandpa & Mommy’s world. The brat. The reason I will always watch cartoons.
When inhibited she will lash out by acting childish and/or throwing a temper tantrum. This includes but is not limited to needing to have the last word, whining, batting eyelashes, pouting, and stomping off.
Harley, Age 14-16
The second split.
One of the first times I felt violated. One of the first times I felt like I lost my mind.
The crazy one. The siren.
My femininity. My sensuality. My pleasure. And it’s just that, MINE. I’ve always been in tune with the fact that I am ruled by Venus, even when I didn’t know what that meant. Physical touch is my love language.
When inhibited she becomes extremely needy, possessive, attention seeking, sex-crazed, and manic.
Tasha Mac, 20-21
The third split.
When I finally woke up and stopped trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted.
The hustler. The finesser. The boss.
Where all of my anger & masculine energy reside. The reason why anybody who really knows me says: “You just like a “nigga, Tasha.”
When inhibited, all bets are off. She will show signs of mania and will do her best to control her rage in an attempt to prevent violence against a person. Note: Walls and other shit may become collateral damage.
Tasha Marie, 25-26
The final split.
When enough was finally enough.
The first step to changing my mind and my life.
The voice of reason. The caretaker. The organizer. The people pleaser.
My safe place. My songbird. The one most know and love. She is the one who lives to make her family proud and is determined to leave a positive legacy.
When inhibited she becomes severely depressed and/or reverts to a child like state. This can also manifest as codependency.
I bet you really wanna know where this is going now, huh? Stay tuned.
Like what you’ve read? Leave a comment below and let me know what resonated with you. I create content and share my life experiences with intentions to inspire others to tap into their power and turn their pain into purpose. As long as I am blessed to be alive, I will be a blessing to others.
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