The Strange Case of Tasha Mac & Tasha Marie
To live in balance.
What does that even mean?
I’ve been on a quest to figure that out most of my life.
Up until this point I have survived off the fears of rejection, failure, not being good enough, and abandonment.
Constantly shifting from one extreme to the other in futile attempts to restore order in my life.
I was either all good or all bad.
Christian or Heathen.
Addicted or Abstinent.
Calm or Enraged.
Manic or Depressed.
I first showed signs of depression around the age of 6 or 7 (1996/97); the signs intensified around 8 or 9 (1998/99). By the age of 13 (2003), I was severely depressed and suicidal. At 16 (2006), I was in therapy but self-medicating with alcohol and pills.'
At 17, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with Clinical Depression before changing it to Manic Depression (Bipolar Disorder). Note: I was also told my chances of “ending up just like mom” were inevitable.
Imagine what that did for my psyche, let alone the health of the already fragile relationship between me and Mommy.
Science tells me that emotional maturity is stunted by traumatic experiences. Observation confirms that most of us are stuck in our childhood and have no real idea of how to express our needs.
Our personality is merely a reflection of fragments in time that changed how we give and receive love, how we identify, and what we believe.
From where I’m growing, we all are direct products of our environment until we choose to be something or someone different.
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